To Today's Father:
A new year starts, and lots of opportunities, roads to choose, and decisions to be made.
Depending upon the age of your little or not-so-little one(s), you may be facing hunting down tours and applications for preschools, or considering the sports for them to get enrolled and playing in, or what Kindergarden class they might start in, etc...
Things to consider: Are you making time with your family, your wife, and your child(ren) the main priority? How self-involved have you been since the latest child was born? Do you feel the child's bond to you is solid, even if not as deep as with the mother? Do you take time to help, wherever possible, within the home, rather than just going to work, coming home, and maybe seeing the child for moments at a time either upon awakening or just prior to bedtime?
How about your attention and intentions with your wife or partner? Has attention been payed to the emotional needs, before focusing just on the physical needs for intimacy and feeling special and wanted and desired yourself?
Our present generation has the opportunity to reinvigorate, and in a way, reinvent and update what it really can mean to be a father. We can put efforts toward being seen more as equals in terms of the care of our child(ren), the bonding with which they can develop a more solid state of self-esteem and what it means to have a healthy attachment and later success with healthier relationships.
Later installments here can and will go into depth further. Merely consider this a start to a New Year's potential for success.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Therapeutic Aspects of this Holiday Season
For those who have quick flashbacks to their own upbringing, to the holiday season upon us and the lighting of the hannukiah or decorating of the tree, or both, or others who have celebrated Kwaanza or any other Festivus for the rest of us... This time of year can bring such an amalgamation of feelings and memories, it always amazes, catches me off guard, and can even, heaven forbid, bring a sense of joy. At this time of year, in my practice, I always encourage my clients to allow themselves a time of introspection, to look back, review, revel, and release things that weigh them, tie them, or keep them stuck in this year as they prepare for the next to arrive. The same must hold true for me as well. You know, practice what you preach...
As well, I am able to see how the development and new amazing things that my daughter is encountering in her ever-expanding world can allow my wife and I to reexperience it all with her, see how she learns, enjoys, gets frustrated with, and then can master something in her world. Although it can be difficult for those of us who have some blocks to our memories from childhood due to whatever reasons, whether trauma, stress, or something else during that particular time frame, it's always awesome to be able to experience it all again, anew, through fresh and open eyes. So, keeping it sweet, and semi-short, here's wishing a great holiday season, and a time to be good to yourself and those around you!
As well, I am able to see how the development and new amazing things that my daughter is encountering in her ever-expanding world can allow my wife and I to reexperience it all with her, see how she learns, enjoys, gets frustrated with, and then can master something in her world. Although it can be difficult for those of us who have some blocks to our memories from childhood due to whatever reasons, whether trauma, stress, or something else during that particular time frame, it's always awesome to be able to experience it all again, anew, through fresh and open eyes. So, keeping it sweet, and semi-short, here's wishing a great holiday season, and a time to be good to yourself and those around you!
Monday, December 22, 2008
For anyone questioning whether to consider therapy:
The following is a great list I found through a colleague's website, and it really is for anyone considering whether they should seek out the assistance of a therapist - hope it helps you:
If you answer yes to any of these questions then I suggest you consider seeking professional help:
• Do you repeat the same patterns in relationships?
• Do you feel stuck?
• Do you ever think of hurting yourself? (Cutting, Suicide, etc.)
• Have you tried to stop a behavior, only to fail and ultimately feel worse?
• Do you ever have days when you feel like you can’t get out of bed?
• Have you lost your passion in life?
• Do feel that you never have found your passion?
• Do you struggle with body image issues?
• Do you struggle with sexual desire?
• Do you want to improve your relationships, romantic and platonic, but don’t know what to do or where to start?
• Do you avoid conflict, “people please”, or ignore your needs to meet the needs of others?
• Do you love your parents but feel guilty because you resent them, too?
• Are you having difficulty becoming a “grown-up”?
• Do you struggle with drug or alcohol abuse?
• Do you want to learn how to live in your integrity, be a genuine person, and be capable of loving and being loved?
• Do you become paranoid or insecure in relationships, only to end up sabotaging them or driving yourself crazy?
• Have ever been in a relationship with an addict/alcoholic?
• Have you ever experienced a trauma that has impacted your life in a significant way?
• Do you feel that you need help with the grieving process?
These are all issues that many people struggle with on a daily basis. You are not alone. You should not try to deal with these things alone. Help is available to you to deal with these issues and many more. For anyone who reads this, please comment if you would like me to reply, get in touch with you for a consultation or consideration about attending therapy, and we can discuss your specific needs. I am connected to a large network of clinicians and specialists. I have many resources that may be helpful to you. Let me help you navigate your path towards healing.
If you answer yes to any of these questions then I suggest you consider seeking professional help:
• Do you repeat the same patterns in relationships?
• Do you feel stuck?
• Do you ever think of hurting yourself? (Cutting, Suicide, etc.)
• Have you tried to stop a behavior, only to fail and ultimately feel worse?
• Do you ever have days when you feel like you can’t get out of bed?
• Have you lost your passion in life?
• Do feel that you never have found your passion?
• Do you struggle with body image issues?
• Do you struggle with sexual desire?
• Do you want to improve your relationships, romantic and platonic, but don’t know what to do or where to start?
• Do you avoid conflict, “people please”, or ignore your needs to meet the needs of others?
• Do you love your parents but feel guilty because you resent them, too?
• Are you having difficulty becoming a “grown-up”?
• Do you struggle with drug or alcohol abuse?
• Do you want to learn how to live in your integrity, be a genuine person, and be capable of loving and being loved?
• Do you become paranoid or insecure in relationships, only to end up sabotaging them or driving yourself crazy?
• Have ever been in a relationship with an addict/alcoholic?
• Have you ever experienced a trauma that has impacted your life in a significant way?
• Do you feel that you need help with the grieving process?
These are all issues that many people struggle with on a daily basis. You are not alone. You should not try to deal with these things alone. Help is available to you to deal with these issues and many more. For anyone who reads this, please comment if you would like me to reply, get in touch with you for a consultation or consideration about attending therapy, and we can discuss your specific needs. I am connected to a large network of clinicians and specialists. I have many resources that may be helpful to you. Let me help you navigate your path towards healing.
Updates at the end of one year, about to start anew...
A brief entry, from a looooong hiatus, reconsiderations for those just starting in the fatherhood field... My daughter is now 13 months old, sleeping (mostly) through the night, and currently struggling with sleeping during naps (2 x's only) in the day, and teething like it was going out of style! A hope, an aspiration for all of us out there, as our kids grow right before our eyes, and the responsibility for them grows, becomes more enriched, and the bond becomes ever deeper with them, we can only hope to keep up with the costs. Well, thanks to our current economy, who knows - all anyone can do is try to keep up, just not with the Joneses anymore. For yours truly, a full-time gig, plus an extra bit in the evenings can help, but as I've learned, beware of any online businesses touting making tons on the side for 5-10 hrs of work online each week. May as well be playing the lottery, for the odds might be just as good...Perhaps it's a skeptic speaking here, but just learning to be protective of funds, rather than just saying whatever - those days are long gone, the income too precious, and risk-taking takes the backseat to ensuring food on the table, a roof over the head, and clothes on our backs. Amen. I'll try to update entries a bit more frequently nowadays, with pertinent content to what might be sought by new dads...
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
An Attitude of Gratitude
Given my more recent role addition, I am realizing more and more that there are certain things that are said and done which can either help me grow or hinder me from moving forward in life. In most cases, as might be found for other new parents, as well as for those trying to build a small business to further support those we love, the attitude that is carried through the day and when interacting with others can make all the difference in the world.
Now, by attitude, I mean whether coming across to others as a "know-it-all", or coming from a place of greater authority, basically to boost my own ego. As a therapist, I can not tell you how important it is to get an occasional reality check to make sure I'm not coming from these places. Talking down to, lecturing, or treating my clients as if they are children without the ability to learn and come up with material on their own can do them a disservice, and even be grounds for someone wanting to end therapy prematurely. Along the same lines, in my relationships with those I hold closest in my heart, meaning my wife and my family, the same attitude issue can be a source of great strife, potential resentment and conflict. Even further in my bubbles of interaction, in the workplace, I am continuously learning that the attitude taken toward those I am hired to assist and the company I represent is of the utmost importance in getting my work done and doing what is expected of me on a daily basis.
So, where this leads me to is a reminder hanging in front of me every morning in the workplace - "Check Your Attitude of Gratitude". Now, whether I borrowed part of that phrase from some time in the past after watching "The Secret" or somewhere else, it applies. How I carry myself in this world will of course have ripple effects on others around me, good or not so good. It really is up to me to determine what route to go, with each action taken, each choice made, each interaction with someone, whether via phone or face to face.
This also means that when unconsciously coming from a place of being in the role of a victim, and blaming others, it means no responsibility is taken for getting myself in that predicament in the first place, and I then don't have the opportunity to learn about being wrong, or to even ask for help or admit that I might not know something. Ah the wonders of being a male...
Just remember folks, never go to see a therapist who's never been to one themselves, as we can only go as deep and as far with another person as we've been willing to go with ourselves!
Here's hoping someone, somewhere gets something beneficial, even if some form of personal validation by reading this. Take Care! - Michael
Now, by attitude, I mean whether coming across to others as a "know-it-all", or coming from a place of greater authority, basically to boost my own ego. As a therapist, I can not tell you how important it is to get an occasional reality check to make sure I'm not coming from these places. Talking down to, lecturing, or treating my clients as if they are children without the ability to learn and come up with material on their own can do them a disservice, and even be grounds for someone wanting to end therapy prematurely. Along the same lines, in my relationships with those I hold closest in my heart, meaning my wife and my family, the same attitude issue can be a source of great strife, potential resentment and conflict. Even further in my bubbles of interaction, in the workplace, I am continuously learning that the attitude taken toward those I am hired to assist and the company I represent is of the utmost importance in getting my work done and doing what is expected of me on a daily basis.
So, where this leads me to is a reminder hanging in front of me every morning in the workplace - "Check Your Attitude of Gratitude". Now, whether I borrowed part of that phrase from some time in the past after watching "The Secret" or somewhere else, it applies. How I carry myself in this world will of course have ripple effects on others around me, good or not so good. It really is up to me to determine what route to go, with each action taken, each choice made, each interaction with someone, whether via phone or face to face.
This also means that when unconsciously coming from a place of being in the role of a victim, and blaming others, it means no responsibility is taken for getting myself in that predicament in the first place, and I then don't have the opportunity to learn about being wrong, or to even ask for help or admit that I might not know something. Ah the wonders of being a male...
Just remember folks, never go to see a therapist who's never been to one themselves, as we can only go as deep and as far with another person as we've been willing to go with ourselves!
Here's hoping someone, somewhere gets something beneficial, even if some form of personal validation by reading this. Take Care! - Michael
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
As A Therapist & New Daddy
Hello! Speaking to you as a new first-time father, and as a licensed MFT (Marriage and Family Therapist), I am hoping that lessons being learned as a new dad, and interactions had with clients I see may be of some use to others out there who are either dads themselves, or having some curiosity about seeing from the other side of the couch.
A little about who I am: I have been in private practice as a therapist since 2003, and have been providing psychotherapy services for over ten years now. There is definitely something to be said about the wonders and magic that can occur in working with people through some of the roughest spots in their lives. The same can be said about watching something so delicate and tender begin to grow, develop, change before your eyes, and become more and more interactive, beautiful, and full of love and life.
I guess I could say I'm lucky enough to see clients grow and move forward in their lives, often beyond where they started when they first met me. I promise I'm never been one to give myself pats on the back, because my clients are the ones deserving of the praise for the hard work they do both in the room with me, and outside during the rest of their week. Most of the time I'm just honored to be a part of their journey. I will admit though, the work is a "dual process", and I often learn and grow along with my clients. Otherwise, I might be doing them a disservice by not being willing to grow and change.
More recently, though, I have been presented with the amazing and very humbling experience of becoming a first-time father to a beautiful baby girl. She actually just turned 5 months old! My wife is an amazing mother and beautiful partner, full of love, devotion, and care for our baby daughter, and I couldn't have been more lucky to have her in my life as my wife and the mother of our child.
In starting this, my hope is that there may be others out there, both mothers and fathers alike, who may be able to share insights, and that resources for those of us learning to be good parents and providers may be passed along the way.
In my own searches to become a better provider for my family, I have come across a few legitimate, and many shady online businesses. Where possible, I will do my best to pass along the best of what I find, and even warnings for other things not worth your time of day. Also, I encourage and welcome any postings from others who have additional advice and positive recommendations. Also, if I have found something to be of use thus far, as a new parent, I promise I will add it to the list of companies that I recommend.
The following is a test-run for an ad for earning a degree online:
http://www.jdoqocy.com/click-2983410-10492296
As a recommendation or two that I can assert here and now: I will state that an inexpensive life-saver for down-time with my wife and something I will hereby recommend that anyone who does not already have this should sign up for Netflix - CLICK HERE - ; along with something else that can often serve as a salvation for the marriage (by remembering the little things) by way of JustFlowers (http://www.dpbolvw.net/click-2983410-3885639); and finally, for the sake of having a great list of songs by various artists that comprise our baby's lullabies and playtime songs list, I recommend going to I-Tunes, - http://click.linksynergy.com/fs-bin/click?id=naItvMGzMeE&offerid=78524.10000011&type=3&subid=0-, as it can often be a great way to be selective about what your baby listens to and not needing to buy entire albums to get to the best for your child's (and your own) enjoyment.
So, here's a jump-off point. I'll be back to add soon enough.
Here's wishing you the best, and where possible, the lessons to help.
-Michael
A little about who I am: I have been in private practice as a therapist since 2003, and have been providing psychotherapy services for over ten years now. There is definitely something to be said about the wonders and magic that can occur in working with people through some of the roughest spots in their lives. The same can be said about watching something so delicate and tender begin to grow, develop, change before your eyes, and become more and more interactive, beautiful, and full of love and life.
I guess I could say I'm lucky enough to see clients grow and move forward in their lives, often beyond where they started when they first met me. I promise I'm never been one to give myself pats on the back, because my clients are the ones deserving of the praise for the hard work they do both in the room with me, and outside during the rest of their week. Most of the time I'm just honored to be a part of their journey. I will admit though, the work is a "dual process", and I often learn and grow along with my clients. Otherwise, I might be doing them a disservice by not being willing to grow and change.
More recently, though, I have been presented with the amazing and very humbling experience of becoming a first-time father to a beautiful baby girl. She actually just turned 5 months old! My wife is an amazing mother and beautiful partner, full of love, devotion, and care for our baby daughter, and I couldn't have been more lucky to have her in my life as my wife and the mother of our child.
In starting this, my hope is that there may be others out there, both mothers and fathers alike, who may be able to share insights, and that resources for those of us learning to be good parents and providers may be passed along the way.
In my own searches to become a better provider for my family, I have come across a few legitimate, and many shady online businesses. Where possible, I will do my best to pass along the best of what I find, and even warnings for other things not worth your time of day. Also, I encourage and welcome any postings from others who have additional advice and positive recommendations. Also, if I have found something to be of use thus far, as a new parent, I promise I will add it to the list of companies that I recommend.
The following is a test-run for an ad for earning a degree online:
http://www.jdoqocy.com/click-2983410-10492296
As a recommendation or two that I can assert here and now: I will state that an inexpensive life-saver for down-time with my wife and something I will hereby recommend that anyone who does not already have this should sign up for Netflix - CLICK HERE - ; along with something else that can often serve as a salvation for the marriage (by remembering the little things) by way of JustFlowers (http://www.dpbolvw.net/click-2983410-3885639); and finally, for the sake of having a great list of songs by various artists that comprise our baby's lullabies and playtime songs list, I recommend going to I-Tunes, - http://click.linksynergy.com/fs-bin/click?id=naItvMGzMeE&offerid=78524.10000011&type=3&subid=0-, as it can often be a great way to be selective about what your baby listens to and not needing to buy entire albums to get to the best for your child's (and your own) enjoyment.
So, here's a jump-off point. I'll be back to add soon enough.
Here's wishing you the best, and where possible, the lessons to help.
-Michael
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